Got my first trainee frontend dev job just as the forced quarantine was declared and i feel overwhelmed

Ive been in this consulting company for 5 and a half years. The first year i worked as help desk at client’s site in a small company, then 4 years as sys admin, also at client’s site in my town’s water supply company. In both cases, the customer feedback was extremely positive.

During the last few years, i got into coding, with the idea of eventually switching to software development, but since i loved my job so much, i didnt give it my best.

But last December, this company decided to cut ties with my company due to a tighter budget and i was “forced” to make the switch with 0 preparation, 0 coding in the last few months, not even knowing if i wanted to do front or backend.

I had 3 interviews, all of them conducted by members of my company. I was 100% honest, letting them know my knowledge was basic and my experience null. And i got in this project that was due to start mid March. So the first 2 months i did Bootstrap, Javascript and Vue courses. Ive learned a lot, but of couse im still a complete beginner.

Just as the project started and i got handed my first tasks, the quarantine hit us and we started working 100% remotely. So instead of sitting next to a senior dev that shows me the ropes, im alone at home asking for help through Slack. Thankfully, the other devs are extremely helpful and cool, but i feel like im too slow, some things are far too complex, i feel anxious and overwhelmed, which makes things worse because i cant focus and be productive and i cant keep up with the team’s flow.

I told the manager i was trying my best, that i felt i still needed to learn a lot and that i was afraid about getting fired. She told me to take it easy, that i will and should learn at my own pace, and that theres no way they are firing me. But as soon as i hit the smallest roadblock, i freak out and start feeling like a fraud, comparing myself to people that have been working for 3-5 years.

Its so bad that today i called a therapist to help me out. If i screw this up, i want it to be due to my lack of skill, not due to me thinking that im a fraud, that i dont deserve this opportunity.

Sorry for the wall of text but i needed to get this out of my chest, and i would love to hear your take on this. Reading others experiences often helps and it comes without saying that any tips on how to overcome this are welcome.

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You’ve got “Imposter Syndrome” which is pretty much standard new job anxiety. It happens to all of us. I’m sure they know your onboarding is going to be a bit rougher and perhaps slower due to all that’s going on.

Canning you for not catching up fast enough would mean they’d have to find someone even less familiar with the company and deal with overwhelmed skeleton crews of HR departments to get it done. As long as you communicate what’s holding you back or confusing you, they’re probably going to be cool with it.

Keeping it to yourself and saying you have everything in hand, then totally failing to deliver is the sort of thing you’d get fired for. Don’t be Paula Bean.

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