Ive been in this consulting company for 5 and a half years. The first year i worked as help desk at client’s site in a small company, then 4 years as sys admin, also at client’s site in my town’s water supply company. In both cases, the customer feedback was extremely positive.
During the last few years, i got into coding, with the idea of eventually switching to software development, but since i loved my job so much, i didnt give it my best.
But last December, this company decided to cut ties with my company due to a tighter budget and i was “forced” to make the switch with 0 preparation, 0 coding in the last few months, not even knowing if i wanted to do front or backend.
I had 3 interviews, all of them conducted by members of my company. I was 100% honest, letting them know my knowledge was basic and my experience null. And i got in this project that was due to start mid March. So the first 2 months i did Bootstrap, Javascript and Vue courses. Ive learned a lot, but of couse im still a complete beginner.
Just as the project started and i got handed my first tasks, the quarantine hit us and we started working 100% remotely. So instead of sitting next to a senior dev that shows me the ropes, im alone at home asking for help through Slack. Thankfully, the other devs are extremely helpful and cool, but i feel like im too slow, some things are far too complex, i feel anxious and overwhelmed, which makes things worse because i cant focus and be productive and i cant keep up with the team’s flow.
I told the manager i was trying my best, that i felt i still needed to learn a lot and that i was afraid about getting fired. She told me to take it easy, that i will and should learn at my own pace, and that theres no way they are firing me. But as soon as i hit the smallest roadblock, i freak out and start feeling like a fraud, comparing myself to people that have been working for 3-5 years.
Its so bad that today i called a therapist to help me out. If i screw this up, i want it to be due to my lack of skill, not due to me thinking that im a fraud, that i dont deserve this opportunity.
Sorry for the wall of text but i needed to get this out of my chest, and i would love to hear your take on this. Reading others experiences often helps and it comes without saying that any tips on how to overcome this are welcome.