How to handle frustration during job search


as i am studying i am looking for junior developer roles, i get frustrated with the rejections and at times i lose my temper which i express it whether it be via email of verbally.

Has anyone reacted in the same way? How do you remain calm despite the obstacles?

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i don’t take rejections personally nor consider it as a failure in my part. before, i actually let it get the best of me. but your failures would never define you. i believe in a God so that helps me recuperate.i just view rejection like something that is not for me. many years ago, before i graduated in college, i have to look for a job. so i applied at call centers in the area. i was never hired. took another few months before i got a job at a much better company. months into that job, i learned that the company that rejected me don’t pay well their employees. so that is a huge advantage on my part.

i used to specialize in a certain skill before, but i was never hired for that. i felt bad about it. just recently, i figured out that the job is quiet shaky and might lose support. so bet i got fortunate after all.

before i finished college, we moved to a small town. the people there were judgmental and don’t understand what college is, cause i had a night schedule back then. their words used to hurt me. but then i let it pass, and forgive as much as possible, for my own good.

that was two years ago and i had already graduated college. the people there still have the same status in life, still gossiping, however, they no longer mess with me. and of course, their words don’t matter to me any longer.

i learn that you just accept yourself, and don’t see your worth or importance base on other people’s concept of who you are. most of the times, other people don’t see the perspective in how you try to achieve your goals. that is ok. you don’t have to look up to them for approval. if they didn’t reach for their dreams, they would never understand the value of patience and hard work. hard work truly takes time, there is no short cut. but there would be people that are more than willing to mock you just to feel good. however, you just be at peace with yourself and with reality. continue to improve and learn. manage your time wisely. in the end, you will get what you dream and even more beautiful things will come that you didn’t hope for.

hope that helps.

I tried to reframe it as a learing experience. Everyone, who succeded BIG had to fail a LOT.
Find some motivation speaker and listen to them, Tony Robbins is great help. :slight_smile:
Reading about bios of people, who had to through a lot and made it is deeply motivating for me. You can try to pick “Total Recall” by Arnold Schwarzeneger, “Obsatncel is the way” by Ryan Holiday is good or “Man’s search for meaning” by Viktor Frankl, if You need really getting a new perspective.
Otherwise it is good to take good care about yourself, execising helps with putting the stress away.
Also meditating brings a calmer mind and enhances resilliance. :slight_smile:

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Dev roles can be stressful. And if you are losing your temper at people in the industry over not getting the job it will get around, and hurt your chances of getting a job. While you might not be a good fit for one position, that guarantees they won’t consider you for another.

You’re going to fail. We all do. On the job, you can get the rug pulled out from under you and if you go off on people that won’t go over well.

Consider taking anger management courses or join groups for this. These can really help you find better outlets than going on the people you are trying to get a job with.

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Loosing your calm, and specially losing your temper, is terrible idea.

Not only you will have personal issues of feeling terrible, you can actually ruin your reputation before you even start working in the field.

If you apply locally\in small scale country, this can result in total inability to find work because you will spread your bad reputation among potential employers.

Main thing about it is not “to remain calm”, but to “respect others” and not lose it in presence of others\empoyers, and sending any communications in rage is extremely terrible idea as well, because that can actually be documented and stored, meaning that you gonna get marked as “non comparable” for them instantly.

You need to behave like professional if you want to become one, and only lose it when it will not affect comfort of other people. Otherwise you practically force your temper on unrelated people, and no one will want to work with person like that.

If you have issues like that, first thing you need to do is to learn how to calm down and not lose it, do not try to apply for a job until you are confident you can manage yourself, because undoing spread of bad reputation can be really hard later.

As for how you can stay calm, I would say main thing would be confidence. You need to build up your confidence, BUT, very big BUT that lot of people miss, you need self-aware confidence, where you are confident in yourself because you are honest about what you can or can not do. I think major problem that leads to issues like that is confidence that is built on dishonesty with yourself about your own ability, which results in situations where potential employer can see you as dishonest person who can not confirm skill set they listed on the portfolio.

You may think that this is rare or untrue, but I saw recent surveys locally and some articles, and to put it into perspective, from perspective of employers this is results they shared:

  • When asked to resend resume and portfolio, only 3 out of 10 candidates actually managed to do something as simple as that!
  • When given simple step-by-step guide on how to format your application in email, more then half of the people could not even manage to follow simple instructions like that or just can’t read properly
  • When people wrote “good knowledge of language X, can do interview in it” (spoken language, not programming), majority of those could not even properly speak in native language, and became completely incoherent in language X
  • When people were asked on why they put X or Y on their resume, majority put there not things they have actual experience and deep knowledge of, but things that they got “cerfificates” for, or did some lessons etc, without making sure they actually can practice in non theoretically

And list goes on.
As you can see if you want to get hired you need to be honest and reliable.

Rage is not a problem, reasons of WHY you are mad are. Do you think you were good candidate? Do you think you were not good one? What you are mad on? Can you change X that makes you mad? If you want to solve it you will need to ask and answer those questions.

If you were good candidate, they would hire you. It is simple as that. If you did not get hired, your first step would be to figure out WHY and ask potential employers on feedback, so you can change that. But if you will rage instead of reflecting on failures, you will just keep doing failures.

You failures are here to teach you how to succeed, because by looking on them you can answer question of “what did I do wrong”. So your first step after rejections should be to ask on why you were rejected, not rage on them. Does not matter if you are mad. Blow it off in unrelated area and come back after getting calming down, then write email for feedback or contact them.

If you are getting interviewed on site by an working engineer and not HR, make sure to ask on what they think about your chances and level after you done. Non HR people will generally be more open and might tell you things you will need to hear. But you will need to fix attitude for that, that is for sure.


Yikes. Try to keep the consequences of this in mind. You don’t want to burn bridges or make the interviewer seem like they dodged a bullet. Get in the habit of breathing before you respond, and try to be straightforward with your feelings as anger is often a manifestation of some other negative feeling we don’t want (or know how) to talk about. For instance, when someone tells you they decided to not move forward with you, express your disappointment rather than resentment with something like, “I’m sorry I won’t get the opportunity to work with your team”. It helps to finish off with a brief bit of gratitude - “… but thank you for taking the time to speak with me. It was a pleasure meeting you!”. Maybe you’ll have to grit your teeth through it at first, but once you have handled a couple of rejections with grace it will become second nature.

Not to be judgemental, but your question raises a flag. Are you perhaps expressing frustration during the interview? If you seem like someone who wouldn’t be enjoyable to be around (if anyone senses a bad temper on you at all), that could be ruining your chances. I know the job search is frustrating and even soul crushing, but to be frank, a lot of a programmer’s job can be stressful and you have to seem like someone who’s going to keep it together. Having a bad temper is really just a habit of expressing frustration through anger, so make it a priority to change your reactions at every opportunity in life to get into better habits.

I hope things go better for you soon.