I think I rush and discourage myself

So I consider myself a decent coder so far, I graduated with a C.S. degree (8 years ago) graduated…didn’t feel super confident so I went into QA. Which I enjoyed…but Manual QA is honestly just not much coding experience sadly.
I’ve gotten into automation with Capybara/Selenium and JS unit tests at work and it’s been good and it made me miss actually coding.

So I went through CS50 Harvard course to refresh. It showed that I still had it in me, but was rusty with a lot of the fundamentals. However I was able to get through it (Minus the final project, which im working on now (and have till December)). I was able to get through CS50 in about a month and a half, and while it was a challenge it was a very good course.

Now i’ve been learning Web Programming, JS/Jquery/CSS all that fun stuff. I’ve been going through freeCodeCamp beta and learning a lot. Im able to get through most of the projects ok, but sometimes (Like on Algorithms advanced section) it takes a little time and it makes me feel…stupid that im not able to get it “instantly”. As stupid as that sounds.
Problem is I just get sorta discouraged when I don’t know how to do something instantly. Like take the Tic-Tac-Toe project in freeCodeCamp…I felt stupid that I didn’t instantly know how to do it. However when I took my time i’ve been able to break it down into steps and it makes sense.

But then I look at stuff like the final React programming project (Which is a dungeon crawler), im like…im never going to be able to do that!

Does anyone else face this? Any good words of advice. I think I just have an insecurity of being stupid when im not able to just “get” stuff instantly. For reference I was able to finish the 50 Hour Algorithms sections (Which are overrated hour wise) in around 2-3 hours per…which isn’t that bad I guess. But I just feel like I am my own blocker ha!

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Yeah, you’re totally phyching yourself out. In one moment you are building yourself up…you know what youre capable of…then the next you are tearing yourself apart…only because you dont know how to do things you dont know how to do yet. and thats obviously crazy talk, no one knows how to do things they dont know how to do yet!

But…no worries, I do that too. Since day 1, I looked at this as just a little hobby I did, and didnt take myself seriously because I didnt want to put myself out there and have others see what I felt, that I just dont have what it takes. Now, I hate ego stroking, but I swear, about 10 years ago I dated a guy who definitely stroked my ego…when he saw my website he freaked out, told me I was amaaaazing and went on to tell everyone how amaaaazing I was and not only hired me to do all his company dev and design for him, but just through his enthusiam telling every single person he met that I was an amaaazing web designer, I got some really sweet gigs out of it.

Then we broke up and without him encouraging me all the time, my self doubt crept back in “okay yeah I could do that, but things have changed so much, theres no way Ill ever be able to learn it all…I suck”. and that was that. But…deep down, I do know that I am totally capable, it has always been my passion to code, Im just irrationally afraid of not being good enough for someone to actually want to pay me to do this (unlike my fear of clowns, which is completely rational).

We’re in the same ocean in different boats here…self doubt is a pain in the butt. The one thing I keep in mind now is…looking back on the projects people were paying me to do when my ex was hyping me up, they werent even that good…theres no way Id put them in a portfolio…they really sucked. BUT! Thats just me now looking back knowing better, knowing what Im capable of that I wasnt capable of back then. Ive learned a lot since then, and I still have a lot to learn…if I dont give up (again) and have confidence in myself, Ill be better off for it. And so will you :slight_smile: