I totally believe how one handles rejection is a matter of perspective; how one sees themselves, the motives behind getting their needs met and is it a want or a need? Psychological and emotional development has a lot to do with how our perspective is formed based on low self-esteem or too much pride.
The best way to handle rejection that consistently works is “Building Your Self Confidence.” If we look at the “core issue” with handling rejection, it’s not about you being turned down for the job, date, marriage proposal or pay raise, it’s truly about “how” you “feel” about yourself after and “where” are those feelings coming from? For example, when I applied for my first job, I assumed that I would get the job so I started spending the money in my head before I had the job. I got my bubble burst when I was told that I was not picked. My devastation stemmed from the wrong motive I had with expectations of spending the money that wasn’t even mine yet to spend. The rejection of not getting the job triggered my abandonment issues causing me to embrace my low self-esteem and fear of applying for another job. How did I handle it? I handled it by surrounding myself with good family and friends who believe in me and continued to encourage me. But even that wasn’t enough because until I started believing in myself and having the courage to step out on faith with persistence, sooner or later I got my heart’s desire.
The other issue with handling rejection is most people don’t want to wait for the later, because pride and expectations always want the sooner. How do we handle this? By having enough confidence in yourself to know that with persistence life has never failed you. We only fail when “WE” give up. So, the next best way to handle rejection is to never give up. If one job says no, try for another until you get what you want. If the date turns you down, continue to work on his/her heart or someone else’s until you get a yes! The key is no matter what “Believe in Yourself!” and continue to work on your self confidence. Life has a way of allowing us to learn from the psychological, emotional stress that comes from handling rejection we may not think or feel we need at the time, but suddenly our motivation for life gets strengthened and we find ourselves back in the cycle of life that come with handling rejection in better ways than we thought we could all because our confidence level has risen. There’s no better way to handle rejection that to “Believe in Yourself,” “Be Confident” and “Never Give Up!!!
Rejection is a part of life. It’s not fatal and it’s not final. Every success story has a lots of rejection in them.
Be patient. Sometimes you have to go through the worst to get the best.
Thank you for this piece. thank you so much its really sink in
In addition to reading how people respond to you here, I suggest spending some time going through the “Getting a Developer Job” and “You Can Do This” topics here. Many campers (including myself) have written about their journey to a job, including the emotionaly roller coasters they rode along the way.
Good luck on your job hunt!
Yeah! Know your passion and then give most of your daily time in following it. And if you get failures on your path, then tell yourself that its the correct path. Behind tough roads, there is always a beautiful destination. So stay focused and have a great life ahead!
A company will accept or reject a candidate based on their needs. You could be a perfect fit for a company you haven’t applied to yet. Realistically, though, most job openings have few candidates that are a perfect fit, and many of the companies that post these openings are not in a rush to hire someone that can’t come in and be productive in a reasonably short period of time. Which is, unfortunately, most people at the junior level.
Eventually, someone will see a good reason to hire you if you keep improving and don’t give up the hunt.
I just try to not take it personal, there may be various reason why a company would reject you, so you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself. I know it’s easier said than done and I know there are days that you can’t help but to doubt yourself, I know, I went through that. So what did I do? Take a break from the job hunting, and try again. Keep in mind that there’s also a bit of luck involved in getting a job.
Just keep learning and building projects, aim to be as professional as you can be with your projects, eventually someone will give you an opportunity.
I come from a background in sales, where “no’s” are kind of the name of the game. I read and applied something in my day, kind of a personal competition to get n amount of nos. The idea was, you know you’re going to get no’s…so treat them as a valuable steps to the yes’s.
That whole mindset, of not being sad about no’s but acknowledging it will happen as part of the process and not dwelling over them really helped. But, Im still human, there are jobs I really became invested in and really had my hopes on…so it stung to not get them. But still, I learned from each experience to use the next time…each no brought with it a lesson in how to improve so that I kept inching closer to my goal.
So its definitely a perspective thing. Its like error messages…either you can panic or you can appreciate that even though your code didnt work this time, you can use the error message to make adjustments and do better next time. Eventually the code will work…unless you quit. And then for sure it will never work.
I’m full of analogies today…
Having just re-read Robert Kiyosaki’s “Rich Dad Poor Dad”, I’m reminded of his decision to work for Xerox for a while as a salesman. He didn’t need the job, had the skills and knowledge to do other things, but took the position to learn to handle “no”, and to learn more about how to convert that no.
If you take the “thank you for your interested, but…” as a rejection of yourself, then it can sting. If the employer has found someone that is a closer fit to their need or to what they perceive as their corporate ecosystem, then that is their choice and not a commentary on you per se.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking, after getting the rejection letter, “May I ask what areas you might suggest I improve, should a position like this come up again?” It shows a determination, and an interest. Plants a seed for later on.
You will get knocked down. It only takes one “Yes.” There may be ways to improve your profile, but since your question asked about handling rejection, it’s about facing the inevitable with an eager grin on your face. Death, taxes, and rejection are constant. To strive, to seek, these are not small feats for small people. Embrace the epic in your own story and gird for battle.
How do you handle rejection otherwise, like for example, in relationships? It’s not that different. You body reacts to it pretty similarly to how it would to physical pain. It’s never not going to hurt and you probably won’t stop fearing it.
You can recognize it, get used to it and learn to deal with it the best you can. There’s really not much trick to it beyond that. There is no one size fits all way. We all not only deal with it differently as individuals, we also deal with each individual cases of rejection differently.
Just recognize it as a common things that happens and don’t take it to personally or run from it. It is not easy to sever yourself from it it emotionally and evaluate it rationally, but it’s part of the process.
This is a really good point… I always sent a thank you email, but depending on my rapport with my interviewer, Id ask for feeback even before I knew if I got in or not for advice on xyz because Im always looking for ways to improve. About half the time they would respond to me, twice even though they didnt get the job they extended the offer to keep in touch, which I have. One replied back almost immediately with advice and that he’s going to move forward with an onsite.
This really showed me a lot…for those that didnt hire me but still showed an interest in my career was my sign that I was close, that I had potential…not the right time or place for that job, but I was getting there. And I think that valuing their advice, even before I knew if I got the job or not showed that I was genuinely interested…which I was, and it all really helped me moving forward in future interviews.
But yeah, its not a black and white “you suck” vs “youre awesome, heres the job!” No matter how great a fit you are, theres the chance you might have been up against someone who was a better fit. And when you do get the job, someone just as qualified is not getting the job because you got it.
Dang it. I want to like this post TWICE.
I love this, especially that part you said I can actually ask about the area’s I need to work more on. Thank you
We all need to make sure we identify and separate rejection from failure.
Failure is a temporary state of mind, not an actual position
You can be rejected from getting a kids meal because your are much older than 11. Does this make you a failure? No, you just don’t fit the criteria of getting one, no matter how cool the toy that comes with the meal is
You can be rejected from getting a job because you don’t meet, match the requirements for the job. Does this make you a failure? No, you just don’t fit the criteria of getting the job. There could be a million reasons as to why you don’t and you should go out and find them out, and see if you can change/improve on any of them. (some might be totally out of your control, like location for example)
Applying to jobs is an excellent learning experience, being rejected is another part of that learning experience. Being able to find what skills you lack and improve upon them gives you a path with which to grow. If you don’t get rejected, you don’t learn what you lack. In the same realm of thinking, if you are too scared of rejection, you wont apply and wont learn what it takes to get a job. Your never 100% ready, but that doesn’t mean you should never try.
Failure is a temporary state of mind because you only fail if you give up, the only way you give up is because you choose too. Your the only one standing in the way of success, everything else is just a temporary obstacle in your own journey you decide. I’m not saying its easy, it might be hard as hell, but nothing is impossible if you give yourself time, and stay with it.
Finally, I’d like to say learning to programming only takes three things
- Time - time to learn
- Grit - staying committed no matter the cost
- An internet connection - access to unlimited resources.
Goodluck and keep up the grind, and keep applying without fear, see it as an opportunity even in failure.
And if you want to practice it,
go out and get some more rejections: