surprised this site is for free with the kind of help from both the creators and the community
Before you do anything else you need to seek professional help.
If you are going to university, there is a chance (or good chance depending on where you are) that there are counsellors you can speak to; I don’t know if things have gotten lost in translation and I hope I’m wrong—but if you are experiencing suicidal ideation, the best way is to talk to a psychologist (in some countries you need to go to a general practitioner and get referred). And remember, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in seeking professional help.
Once you have sorted that out, and when you are getting better, start doing things that give you a sense of accomplishment regularly and often. For example (using coding since this is a coding forum, but it may well be other things), make yourself complete an algorithm, make a simple UI component on CodePen, CSS art, a simple microservice for your favoruite things… etc. The constant feedback that you are getting something done will, at the very least, help with your mood—particularly when you are experiencing depression.
I can’t really give any solid advice with regard to family since we are all different, but if you do actually care about them, then perhaps work on projects that they can understand—sometimes people just need reassurance in a format that they can understand, for example, clone a website that they often use; make a game that they can play; go to meetups, make connections, and show them that you are making progress both technically and socially; join competitions; get an internship/part-time job in a related field. Even if you just want to be away from them, all of those things are still worth doing though!
If nothing else, don’t forget that you also have an amazing community supporting you here on freeCodeCamp!
Finding a counsellor to speak to face-to-face is likely your best option now—they will have a much better grasp of the situation since some things are lost in translation, and will therefor before able to offer much better advice. In any case, try you best to focus on what you can do for now and on getting better first.