Critique My Cover Letter - 2

I hope this is the correct place to look for a critique(s) of my cover letter. I see other entries for cover letters but nowhere to add an entry. After many versions, I use the following one of the two formats with pretty much each cover letter, when applicable. I change the content to fit the job description. Two letters is a lot of content so please feel free to critique one or the other or both:

FORMAT ONE:
Dear [Company Name]

After an adequate and impressive research of [Company Name], I am hoping that my self-description below, as it applies to what you are seeking in a Project Coordinator, will illustrate that reviewing my resume and arranging an interview is worth your time. Your Project Coordinator, position appears as a great match for my background, natural abilities and interest in career transition into document/publication management.

The position appears to require excellence in three main areas: Coordinator, Editor, Communicator:

Coordinator: I have seven years experience as a coordinator, so I have a proven record of excelling with functions such as managing deadlines, developing schedules, presenting status reports, managing logistics, tracking metrics, handling queries and coordinating with various stakeholders. And, having substantial experience as a project manager, I would bring a well-rounded skillset to streamline efforts and deliver on time and within scope and budget. I’ve successfully managed 13 large/medium projects simultaneously, learning how to balance, prioritize, and deliver clearly and concisely.

  • Editor: I have a passion for writing. Everywhere I have worked, I am one of and usually the best writer/editor/proof reader, because I love doing it. While this Project Coordinator position would not be directly involved with the writing, having the contextual familiarity and prowess of the managed materials enables a coordinator to be that much better at their supportive job.

  • Communicator: A successful project manager and coordinator must excel at communications of all forms, with stakeholders at all levels, within and outside the firm. So, I am accomplished at communicating clearly, with integrity and efficiently. I would make certain that I quickly learn the intricacies and style of communicating and building relationships with federal and academic personnel. And I easily connect with people and over-riding objectives to understand and deliver what is needed in a timely fashion, regardless if the end product is IT or non-IT related.

And I have years experience working remotely, so working for [Company Name] remotely would be a seamless adaptation.

I am requesting an opportunity for a personal interview to find out if I am a great fit for this position. I will contact you in one week if I have not heard from you beforehand: Hopefully {Their email address] or [their phone #] are acceptable. And I appreciate that you probably read many cover letters and resumes, so thank you for your time and consideration with mine.

Sincerely,

{My Name}

MBA, PMP
{My phone #]
[My email address}

FORMAT TWO:
Dear [Company Name]

After an adequate review of the Project Manager position and an impressive research of Dear [Company Name], I am hoping that my self-description below, as it applies to what you are seeking in a Project Manager, will illustrate that reviewing my resume and arranging an interview is worth your time. Your Project Manager position appears as a great match for my background, natural abilities and interest in career transition into a non-IT project manager.

Having 13 years proven success as a project manager or coordinator and have an MBA and PMP, I excel with managing and driving success of a wide variety of project types and sizes. Having successfully managed 13 large/medium projects simultaneously, I know how to prioritize, multitask and get the job done. I would be able to get up to speed on agile/scrum project methodology – I know the process and have used some of its principles in past projects.

Adapting to and excelling with consumer packaged goods projects would be a first priority for me. While you mention a [Company Name], experienced pm might be best, I easily connect with people and over-riding objectives to understand and deliver what is needed in a timely fashion, regardless if the end product is IT or non-IT related. I have the management practices, communication skills and, from what it appears, the same positive, high-integrity, fun and team-oriented mentality of the [Company Name], culture. And as an animal lover, this seems like the ideal culture fit with me.

Finally, if any remote work is needed, I have years experience, so it would be seamless.

While I do not perfectly fit the job description, I believe I could adapt and be an excellent Oxbow Animal Health project manager and team member. I am requesting an opportunity for a personal interview to find out if I am a great fit for this position. I will contact you in one week if I have not heard from you beforehand: {Their email address] or [their phone #] are acceptable. And I appreciate that you probably read many cover letters and resumes, so thank you for your time and consideration with mine.

Sincerely,

{My Name}

MBA, PMP
{My phone #]
[My email address}

Thank you in advance for any input you may have.
Scott

I would say neither of those are ideal.

A cover letter is an opportunity to stand out and sell yourself, and neither of those really do that for you. And to be honest, my eyes started glazing over with both of them. They both come across as “boring” and the kind of thing that a lot of other people write.

Take out the cliche rhetoric that so many people think they want companies to hear. Write an unconventional letter that will immediately grab attention. Tell a story, or share a unique accomplishment.

And never make it too long. 1 or 2 paragraphs at most is better to make an impact.

Hey @swa528!

Welcome to the forum!

I would suggest reading some articles from industry professionals on how to make a cover letter that stands out.

Hope that helps!