Thank you, Kevin.
I’ve spent a few days plugging away at this medium challenge and haven’t gotten it yet but maybe eventually.
It’s good to know that you didn’t have as much experience with some of those things until later. It’s difficult knowing what kind of expectations are there and what to focus on to increase your chances. Maybe I’ve spent too much time focusing on everything I don’t know, don’t have experience with, haven’t built and it’s just led me to feeling overwhelmed with an exponentially increasing list of things I feel I need to do.
I did go through a tutorial phase for a few months this year, with React Native and some Docker. I definitely learn a few things from them but is it job level knowledge and something I can list on a resume? Probably not.
As to the final bit, that’s one thing I’ve struggled to really come to terms with. When I was in class I was enjoying learning and even shortly after. I’d build things in my free time for a few months after graduation, then the 6 months mark went by and my phone screenings started turning into ghosting, the rejection emails started rolling in, then another 6 months went by and I stopped getting as many phone screenings and more rejection emails, then another 6 months roll by and here I am spending a week on algorithm challenges and struggling to fight back the feeling of hopelessness enough to actually get started on something.
It’s difficult for me to write it off as something I’m simply not passionate about and claiming that as the reason as to why it’s so difficult for me to get motivated enough to grind for 12 hours a day though because I’ve never been innately passionate about anything. I’m not passionate about my current job but I’m constantly looking for ways to improve, to learn, to make it better for everyone that I work with. I put in max effort because I’m passionate about simply doing the best that I can. I’d have to imagine I’d feel similar if I were able to break in and put all of this pressure behind me from the actual job search. It’s just been so demoralizing.
But aside from these algorithm challenges I’m thinking the best approach at this point is to find something to build that I might be passionate about. For awhile I was obsessing over tutorial videos of things that I thought I would grant me better odds at employment, or building things I wasn’t overly excited about because I thought it would look better on my portfolio. It became entirely about the job search, and then when that never went anywhere I started to lose whatever passion I had during bootcamp.
As to freelancing, it’s definitely something I need to look into. I’ve always suffered from low-self esteem and realistically have little experience doing anything other than working in low level jobs where I just do as I’m told. The idea of actually reaching out to someone, thinking about something like a “contract” or evaluating how much my time is worth just feels so foreign to me. Not to mention the confidence to be able to tell someone, look, I CAN do this. And I probably could, but there are also the other unfamiliar aspects to it like… is this really good enough for me to accept payment for?
I redid a website for a local business, just because I wanted to, and it looks better than their original but I’m still too nervous to even mention it to the owners. I used to design promotional material like painting murals/building props for upcoming films at a movie theater when I was younger and had people offer to buy certain things or pay me to paint something in their house… but for some reason something always kept me from saying yes. Self-esteem? Confidence? Maybe I just felt like I wasn’t worth it? Or was going to mess something up?
Thank you for your input though. And yes, the collaborative effort is something I haven’t done in quite awhile so I do need to find some way to get used to other people’s code.