I'm not a developer, so I can't speak to finding dev jobs specifically. However, after having not an easy time in undergrad and knowing other people who had a similar experience, I've come to realize that college isn't for everyone, or at least it isn't for everyone at any one time. Maybe your college's environment isn't right for you right now, and maybe it will be later. Or maybe a different college would suit you better, or a different approach to furthering your education altogether (certificates here at FCC, Udacity's nanodegrees, the list of options goes on and grows constantly). What's great about education today is that lots of people have realized that not every education model works for every person, and so alternative options are springing up, being refined, etc. A lot of people have been in your shoes!
Choosing to leave school could be the best thing for you (though I hope the option @Aaronms found helps), but you do need to be aware of the difficulties. Just having a college degree gives to access to a lot of otherwise closed doors. So many jobs require at least a Bachelor’s. In some cases, employers require a Bachelor’s just because they can since the job market’s flooded with people with degrees now, though a degree may not even be necessary for the work. (I knew someone who got a retail job in a clothing store after undergrad and the store required a Bachelor's degree just because they could. Just a year or so prior, this was not the case.) Not having a Bachelor's degree may make things more difficult. Hopefully, this is changing at least in the developer job market, but it's something to be aware of.
If you don't have a completed degree to put on your resume, that means your application materials, portfolio (if needed), and interview performances need to be spot on and professional. This is from the perspective of someone who has to do a lot of hiring and interviewing people (though for instructional design jobs, not developer jobs). Having a degree means that in just one or two lines on a resume you can show hiring professionals/recruiters that you have certain knowledge, skills, and a level of maturity. Everyone knows that a good degree doesn’t always mean a good hire (lots of stories on Quora about this), but the act of hiring people is deciding to trust and depend on a complete stranger, and a degree comes with a lot of little reasons (as mentioned above) to justify a hire.
Without a degree, it's more difficult to convey these essential qualities, so that's where your resume, cover letter, (maybe) portfolio, and interview come in. This isn't meant to dissuade you, it's only to give you the recruiter's perspective. When applying for jobs, it’s likely that you’ll be competing with lots of people that have Bachelor’s degrees, maybe even Master’s degrees, depending on the job. You’ll need to stand out even more than you would need to with a degree, and you can do so with professional, polished application materials. Really, anyone should have this when applying for jobs, but it’s even more important if you don’t have a degree, as you may be under more scrutiny than candidates with degrees. Luckily, the internet’s got you . There are plenty of websites offering pointers on applying for jobs and interviewing, creating a portfolio, and resume builders that will make it easy to make a polished resume. Glassdoor’s blog has some great tips, I’ve seen good ones on Quora, and google searches for things like "top interview questions" has helped me a lot, as has running my resumes and cover letters past my wife before sending plus rehearsing for interviews with her. There are tons of tips online for applying and interviewing for developer jobs in particular too. And here’s a good Product Hunt collection for resume builders, if you're interested:
Again as someone who has to do a lot of hiring and interviewing, when an applicant has concise, polished, well-written, and professional application materials, it’s like the heavens open up to and offer you sweet salvation from hiring hell. It makes the job way easier for recruiters and making their job easier is the kindest thing you can do for them. They’ll appreciate it and want to repay your kindness by at least giving you a chance to interview.
You seem like an intelligent and thoughtful person, and I have every confidence that you can have the successful career you want without a college degree. You may have to work harder than a lot of other people to get to that place, but it’s not impossible. I know someone who didn’t go to college at all and just started coding as a hobby, and after few years of this he put together a portfolio and landed a sweet developer gig at a thriving startup. No degree, just great work to show.
Good luck on the search and move! It's great that you and your SO are in this together and that you can help one another with job searches and moving.
Btw, if you happen to land a job that offers mental health benefits, take advantage of them. They can be a great help. In my experience, university mental health services aren’t very good. The places tend to be staffed by inexperienced grad students and aren’t able to provide a very high quality of help. I’m sure there are lots of reasons for this that may be beyond their control, and it’s great that universities try to offer such help, but non-university mental health services can be way, way better. Trust me .