Hello! I was wondering if anyone else here has this strange issue I’m facing…
I have no passion for coding itself however I chose to learn it after a looong period of looking into my options and predispositions. I have some really good motivation to learn but it seems to not be enough. My motivations are:
- coding suits my thought patterns (half analytical, half artistic), suits my personality (introvert), my need to have quiet and focus in order to achieve good results, my need to constantly learn something new and have a feeling of progression (instead of doing the same exact task every single day and starting allover from point zero like a Sisyphus),
- if I don’t learn it, it’s back to retail which makes me furious and suicidal almost,
- I don’t have money for university to go study my real passions nor do I perform well in such academic setting anyways so I should focus on something I could teach myself (I can self-teach and evaluate critically - not an issue),
- given my uncurable sleep disorder, it would be fantastic if I could become a freelancer someday or if I could work remotely because all normal morning jobs ruin my health, including mental health,
- I’d like to have money for travel, for pets and good causes, for healthcare, should I ever need it.
As you can see, a lot of these reasons are based on fears of something bad happening, rather than on passion for coding. That’s not great for me. It results in me falling asleep at the computer every 10 minutes and having to motivate myself with nasty thoughts about how awful my life will be if I don’t learn this. Sadly, my true passions cannot be pursued in a way that could make me enough money to survive even in slums, they can only be practiced as hobbies once I acquire some legit practical skills to pay the bills.
I’ve heard that passion may come to people like me if we push forward for so long that eventually we make ourselves interested in the topic. It’s been 2 months of daily struggle and I still feel nothing. Does this take longer? Can I bypass this somehow?
So far I decided to fight sleepiness by using pomodoro learning technique (I’ll try it out starting tomorrow) but that’s not supposed to create any passion in me, I just wonder if it could be enough to deal with the sleepyness.
Yes, I sleep 8 hours a day, drinkmlots of water, eat healthy and study at the desk sitting at 90 degrees.