This thread was originally posted by another user, but they have asked that they have it deleted. I think the thread is worth keeping, so I have merged the replies and posts here and tried to remove the references to the original user.
Here is the original statement:
This isn’t a pleasant post. It’s a collection of random thoughts which have been troubling me. It gets hopeless in places. Please don’t read if you’re triggered by that kind of thing.
I’ve been learning web development for about 2 years now while in school. Recently I’ve come to the point where I need to get a real job to pay the bills. Although I’ve sent a lot of applications, I haven’t gotten any interviews. Just mild attention from faceless recruiters. I don’t think my portfolio is that bad; I have some paid development experience. But I’m in a huge city where junior devs are a dime a dozen. There’s absolutely no reason for a company to waste money on me when there are plenty of other qualified people desperate for jobs.
I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, and non-existent self esteem for a long time and I feel that, even if I were to get an interview, I would screw it up immensely. For as long as I’ve been learning JavaScript and Node.js, I still couldn’t explain why Node would be used in a project over some other backend, or why MongoDB would be used over SQL. I can only say that I use those things because they’re easy and I understand them. I probably also wouldn’t be able to explain basic features of JS on the spot if it came to that. I’ve watched interview practice videos, but coming up with those answers in a pressure situation seems an impossible task.
PHP feels like a “dirty” language to me, so I’ve ignored it and gone full-steam into JS. But I’ve encountered a lot of negativity about JS on the internet, such as this thread. I’ve seen many who are experienced in professional development crap all over the language like it’s an underachieving child and argue about technical aspects that I have no idea about. Reading things like that there and elsewhere has really caused me to question whether I’m betting my livelihood on a reject language, one that’s likely to make me a laughing stock if I ever mention it among seasoned developers.
So, as I said, this is mostly to record my own thoughts. I’m not looking for advice. But perhaps others will relate to this and it may bring some peace to know someone else feels the same way.