The only thing I can say for sure is that it’s not not for you.
Sounds like you’ve got a passion for it. If you don’t have any goal or purpose, then you can’t really fail, can you?
The past couple of years have been the beginning of an educational renaissance with regards to programming. I’m not sure how long you’ve been pursuing this for, but with better tools comes easier success. I would suggest applying yourself to the course here since it’s quite comprehensive, but don’t be afraid to branch out into CodeAcademy, the Odin Project, or whatever else strikes your fancy. The best thing you can do for yourself is to code every day* and build projects. Just reading and watching tutorials is not the same thing as learning, so make sure you’re actually doing things.
[*] At least 4 days per week, schedule permitting