Need Direction and General Advice

I’ve been out of coding for the last few months because of family issues (divorce) and personal issues (recent mental breakdown from my current job). Concerning personal issues, I make good money and my boss is “ok”. It’s the job. Very stressful and, well, I just hate it. I’ve been trying to transfer out for the past three years with no luck. I’m now looking at leaving the company.

I know mental health is as important as one’s physical health which is why I’m looking for help. I’m afraid I may suffer more serious health issues if I stay with my current job. In fact, having another “episode” scares the hell of of me.

Not sure where I’m going with this but would like to hear some words of encouragment from someone. I enjoy coding but found the original site a bit unorganized compared to the beta (I really like the beta layout). I was going to wait 'till the beta goes live to get back into coding but not sure when that is going to happen.

My divorce should be a done deal end of Nov. so looking for direction/advice pre/post this personal event.

Thanks for reading!!

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I think you need some stability and peace of mind when learning a new craft. If your life is in upheaval, it might not be the right time. However, it really depends on how you feel about the situation. If the divorce is a relief, it will be easier than if it comes with lots of painful emotions. Your current job might get in the way for as long as you have it, as it causes a lot of stress and stress + learning is not a good combination. Perhaps if you have the financial space, it might be a good idea to stop altogether and learn how to code when you are free of this burden. Or find a simple job that helps sustain you at a minimum while you learn to code. Either way it seems to me you need to create some space for yourself to learn something new and to go in a different direction with your life. To say yes to something often means to say no to something else.

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I think first of all you have to make your top priority feeling ok. If that means quitting your job, then you’ll have to quit. But then obviously you might have other problems if you do that, like not having enough money. So maybe try and get another, less-stressful, job first and then quit your present one. If you want to become a developer as your next job, that might take time so you’ll maybe need to acquire strategies for dealing with the stress from your present job before you become a developer.

I don’t know what your job is, but I’ve had very stressful jobs in the past and I know it can get on top of you if you aren’t careful.

Sometimes you can get too focused on your job and start judging yourself in terms of how successful you are in your job. That can cause a lot of stress if you have a bad day. You can get round that by developing an outside interest and become good at that so you can base your self image on that and not just on how well you do at your job. I used to do that.

Another trick I learned for dealing with stress, which works very well for me, is controlling your body language. When people get stressed, they move, talk, sit etc. in ways that express their stress, but also reinforce it. You can see this by doing the following: sit at a table with your elbows on it, interlock your fingers and raise your forearms to verticle, like this:
That’s a stress position. You should be able to detect a slight feeling of stress coming over you when you do that.
Next try a none stress position to see the difference, try this position:
Now if you notice the difference between how stressed you feel in those two different positions, you can see that your body’s position affects your stress level. So, to control your stress, a strategy you can use, when you are in a stressful environment, is to consciously move, sit, walk, speak, etc. in ways that you would if you were feeling relaxed. What should happen is that you body language will be telling your brain that you’re relaxed and you’ll start to feel less stressed as a result. I used to work in a place where, at certain times of the year, people would get stressed to hell and be running around like loonies having fights with each other and shouting and stuff. It never used to affect me at all, I’d be walking round as if I was on holiday and never in a rush. The only down side is people think you don’t give a damn about your job, so you end up having to explain it to them.

Hope this helps in some way.


Makes since. Thanks !!

You nailed it!! This gives me a lot to think about.
Thanks !!

Glad to help mate. Try the body language stuff as well though, you’ll be surprised how well that can work

I am right there with you my friend… Just know you’re not alone, in many aspects of your scenario… I am right there with you… same exact issue(separation of my family… job instigating mental implosion…)… I wish I had some thing more than “you’re not alone”. But sadly thats all I got lol. I took a six month break or so and did nothing but stew in my pitty party… Hindsight, that was by far the most damaging to my mental health. One thing I have found that does help is to pour my focus into learning… Not only learning programming or you’ll burn yourself out. Now is the time to expand horizons. Create a new routine, if you’re a morning person make it even earlier. for instance, I get up at 4 am, every day. Even weekends. Because I’ve found after studying some psychology is that routines help people, Alot lol. And after learning more about the type of person I was being without even thinking about it, I was able to learn a few things that helped my subjective experience. But just know you’re not alone. And it gets worse before it gets better, but its time to be the phoenix rising from the metaphorical ashes.

I used to get up that early, or earlier, in my Army days but understand the concept of waking up the same time every day. I tend to sleep in on the weekends then find half my day is gone. I get up at 7am most days so I may just keep the alarm set to my my “brain cycle, if you will” in check.

That’s for responding. You’ve givin me not only good advice but a reminder that i’m not the only one suffering.

Thank you friend !!

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I’ll do that.
Thanks !!

Any time, really! I am being more active on the forum, so I look forward to talking more!

you should calm yourself down have a deep breath…
First Organize your ideias (your mind i mean )
Then Write down the important and urgency problems you have
after that eliminate what is not necessary
Then Start a plan then put it to practise
And i really recommend you to Read the “BiBLE” as a major book of god and also I strong recommend to read "THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE BY Stephen Covey"
That is What i think does not mean you have to be straight forwad it but i think you will help alot if you read those books

Thanks, I appreciate it !!

I’m Agnostic but appreciate the advice. I’ll be making the list soon.
Thanks !!

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One funny thing I’ve found, check out Jordan B Peterson. Psychology professor out of University of Toronto. You can find him easily on YouTube.
He records lectures there is also other channels that make 5 6 minute shorts out of some of the lectures hitting a specific point. His content is great in my opinion. But you’ve gotta be high in openness to enjoy his content.
He’s got some great ideas. Maybe you’ll find some interesting. I sure did!

i am here anytime if you need just give a touch…
Do not Put your mind into negativite i known it’s hard and problems are problems but try always your best with a smile…

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If you don’t mind me asking, what do you do in your current role?

Customer support rep for a banking firm. Software is developed internally with very little documentation and no access with developers. Several other products interact with the software I support which adds to the “heat” from customers when things don’t go their way.

Just a heads up. I started seeing someone a few days ago (friends only). We grew up together (neighbors). Talking about old times and just sharing time with someone is helping me. :slight_smile: