I am a newbie to FCC , 37 years old from London UK.
Would be grateful for some help and advice on my situation.
Last month I left my first web dev role as a comp science grad four months after starting because of no support, mentor ship, a passive aggressive boss who wanted to control everything I do. It was suffocating me, I felt anxious, stressed and nervous most days.
I had explained during my interview I was new to JS and SQL and was reassured support would be readily available. From the outset my boss was laughing me when I asked him questions, used to get angry at other times.
Despite this I managed to create some fixes using JS as per the requirements given to me and then he would go and change the requirements. This made me feel angry and when I presented the initial requirements he said “oh well I mad e a mistake”.
To cut a long story short, I am wondering if I should continue in this web dev world. I am new to it, need guidance and mentoring but am afraid if I am honest if I start another company and its deja vue.
I know its only one experience but it really has left me low in confidence and self esteem even though I know it was not my fault I feel hurt.
Since then I have been following FCC tutorials and am enjoying what I am learning. The sense of achievement of creating something from code is wonderful. However I am concerned whether I should continue in this field altogether now?
I did an internship at an engineering company also and my first year was great, I then moved departments and the boss there was also passive aggressive, belittling, patronising and condescending. I did explain how his behaviour was sapping the life air out of me and my creativity. I then went back to uni and finished my comp science degree.
My problem is after having both these experiences I am seriously considering a career in another IT related field because I do not want to work with people who shout at me. Or try and make out them are better then me because they know how to code. Its seriously not good for my mental health.
Sometimes when I code I get this sense of negative thinking, whereby I beat myself up horribly, I would not speak to anyone the way my mind speaks to me. Miraculously it disappears when my code works. Its like even before I sit down and code I have these demons attacking me “you can’t do this”, “you’re not good enough”, “they’re all better then you”. It really makes me question where this comes from and whether this career is worth it for me.
Please do not think I am a timid, introverted and shy guy. Far from it. To give you an idea of my personality I am a peoples person, happy go lucky, I’m a volunteer street fundraiser during my spare time for local charities which involves going up to random strangers and speaking to them. I sometimes get a donation I sometimes get blanked. However it never bothers me or makes me feel afraid or inadequate like software or web dev does. Part of me really wants to make it as a web / software dev but the other part just says why do you want to work in an industry full of people with massive egos or who like thinking they are the best thing since sliced bread because they know how to code but they suck in other areas of life like kindness, compassion, humility.
I am not getting any younger and really want to enter a work industry I enjoy. I would be grateful to hear from those in the industry what you would do?
What do you guys think? Any advice would be appreciated.